Born old

Born old

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Does anyone remember the Robin Williams TV series Mork and Mindy? Williams played an alien that comes to Earth to learn about us and ends up falling in love with and marrying Mindy. They eventually have a child named Mearth played by Jonathan Winters.

Mork was from a planet called Ork and because of Orkan physiology, Orkans would age backwards, starting with elderly adult bodies. Then as Orkans aged, their bodies would become younger as their minds matured and grew.

Pretty sweet set-up if you ask me. Imagine having the mind, knowledge and experience of 50 or 60 plus years in a 20 or 30-year-old body. You could sprint to the end of your driveway to pick up your Sentinel-Record. You could listen to the television at a volume that would not cause hearing loss in your family pets. You would not have to spend a portion of your day trying to remember why you walked into a particular room. The possibilities are endless.

But then again there would be drawbacks. It would be exhausting putting 15 different products in your healthy, headful of hair every morning. Moreover, you could only do this after having spent hours upon hours researching and discussing with your friends the pros and cons of each and every gel, cream and rinse on the market.

Then would come the constant pressure to make sure your social media is up to date and “woke”. Selfies would have to become a top priority in your life and you would have to make sure your wardrobe was “poppin’ tags”. Consider the crushing burden of having to insure my back was arched just right so my butt was “on fleek”.

The stress associated with making sure your diet is vegan, or vegetarian or keto would be exhausting. Not to mention you would have to make sure that whatever type of food you were eating was fitting inside your intermittent fasting window.

I don’t want to even think about having to haul myself to a hot yoga class or CrossFit box on the regular. Because it is all linked, you know. Remember that being young comes with the added responsibility of doing it “all for the gram”.

On second thought, I will keep my stove up, popping and creaking old body. I will keep my ability to remember all the lyrics from a 1981 Rick Springfield song while forgetting why I walked into the garage. I will keep my inability to stay up past 9 p.m. without feeling like a zombie the next day.

I will keep my memories of my reckless youth. I will keep the times I did not have the benefit of experience to dampen my enthusiasm for careless and foolhardy adventures. When I should have known better but didn’t.

“You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.” Joe E. Lewis.

Editorial on 11/10/2019

Print Headline: Born old

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